Thursday, 9 June 2011
The Journey
See, I was feeling real awful because of stuff (you know how stuff is). So after lunch I wandered into the Borders to look for words to calm me down, comfort me. Instead of the self help, I headed for the poetry section and found Mary Oliver. I remember Martha Beck reading Mary Oliver at her dying friend's bedside and feeling calmer as the sweetness of the words rose up and soothed her grieving soul.
I thought, heh. If it could do it for her, it could do it for me.
So I opened the book at random.
And came across the following.
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice -
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
'Mend my life!'
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognised as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do -
determined to save
the only life you could save.
And I felt better.
Do you?
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I think so. It feels like an affirmation of the way that I have tried to live, and takes some of the sting out of those situations where I have had to ruthlessly excise people from my life because they were not healthy for me to be around (not to say that I am necessarily better in any objective sense, but at least I try not to absolutely suck the life out of others).
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Hahahaha I used to think that putting up with vexations to the human spirit was a virtue (not a virtue I practised because I'm naturally cantankerous, but a virtue, nonetheless). Now I think it's just a waste of space and spirit and energy. And the only ones who consider it a virtue are the ones who want to feed on your soul.
ReplyDeleteLol--and to think, this is the bright side... (grins)
ReplyDeleteI do occasionally wonder if there is a middle ground out there, falling somewhere between Ayn Rand's concept of enlightened selfishness and the vows taken by cloistered monastics who endeavor to show every person and creature, deserving or not, the love and consideration of their savior (I'm not a very good theist, but I have a lot of admiration for the writings of St. Benedict). Are those who show compassion always played for fools by those who haven't the heart for it? Do a few successes justify the anguish, anger and resentment of uncountable failures? It's a good thing we have a lifetime to ponder the answers to such questions. Pax.
Yes, the Bright Side. So let's be positive. And continue to think what we think about soul-suckers. And avoid them like the plague.
ReplyDeleteThree cheers for that solemn oath! :)
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