Resolutions

I have been thinking about New Year Resolutions. Not the usual ones to lose some weight and do better in work, which let's face it, just annoy me, and I don't follow through on. Seems like follow-through is my main weakness. Which makes this blog nothing short of amazing, don't you think? You don't have to agree with me. I'm popping the champagne all by myself. Yay!

So I was thinking of what resolutions to have for the big 2012, end of an era, or life on earth as we know it. And here's what I came up with.

1. Go for a silent retreat.

I talk too much. If not out loud, then in my head. Or on my blog. Or on Facebook. (OK I don't talk much on Twitter because that one hasn't really gripped me by the short and curlies) So some time next year, I need to schedule some time to disappear, all by myself. I only want to go on a silent retreat because at least there, them's the rules. Otherwise, short of holing myself in some cul-de-sac with provisions, I am forced to talk. Mostly answer questions. This being the most popular:

"Miss, what are you doing here alone?"

Enough already.

So quiet time. Next year. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Not talking.

2. Learn to suffer fools gladly.

I don't. I have the patience of a mosquito with issues. And as my annoyance level increases, so do my reactions. Delete and block. Email block. Slam down the phone. That sort of thing. 2011 has been a relinquishing of too many relationships I once thought important. The thing about discarding relationships is that without knowing it, my life gets poorer, more poverty-stricken. Richness and colour go out of the palette and everything fades to sepia. And I've always thought sepia is such a sad sort of of colour.

3. Disappoint a salesman.

I let salesmen bully me into making (big) purchases that I did not originally want to go with. And when they don't deliver on whatever they were promising (when eager to make the sale), and I apply some pressure, they react pretty badly. Suddenly, I'm the bad guy. Unreasonable. Demanding. But hey, that's my hard-earned money you're busy counting. Why didn't I cancel when I could have?

So this year, I will. No thank you. I have changed my mind. Thank you for your time.
Let's not send each other Christmas cards. See you in the funny papers.

4. Figure out something (it may be a small thing, but still) that I really, really want to do. And do it, without reference to anyone else, or any feeling of guilt.

5. Write a book. Publish it on lulu. Give it out as a Christmas present.

I actually went to the extent of laying out the pages this year. And then, somehow, I didn't feel like completing the purchase. Something was missing.

6. Make the Creole Christmas cake.

From what I remember I would need brandy, cherry brandy and maybe port. Also that other liquor whose name I can't remember but which I have. And I'd need to make it about three months before Christmas. Or is it 4 months? Give out as Christmas gifts. Lucky people. You're gonna get a book written by moi as well as a Christmas cake drenched in all sorts of mind blowing things.

7. Appoint Feb 29 the new amazing Valentine's Day and send people Feb 29 Valentine Cards. Make my own of course. Oh you lucky people you!

8. Go watch at least one movie a week. I didn't watch no movies this year. Or if I did, I can't remember. So yeah, movies. Lickety split.

9. Keep updating this till May 16. And then we'll see.

It's been a challenge cos like I say, I tend to be famous for sticking to nothing. I'm so teflon about things, it isn't funny. Which is why it's amazing that I've come this far without missing a beat. Or a day. I meant a day.

10. Wake up early. Or at least earlier. Yeah, earlier.

Noon just isn't cutting it for me, y'know?