Wednesday, 2 May 2012

Recipe For A Disaster That Never Happened or How To Panic Properly


Time on your hands
An active imagination
Indian (Malayalee preferred) blood
A healthy diet of soap operas, Brazilian or Indonesian or Indian for choice
Tears of sorrow and regret (optional)


1. Have a slight deviation from the ordinary. (i.e. Jackie fails to make her customary weekend call to the folks or Jenny takes off for the hills and says she wants to be alone and to make matters worse, switches off her phone)

2. Then hear from equally drama queen husband who insists something must have happened to her. (or them)

3. Read news about how people are freezing to death in England or about all those murders and kidnappings in Malaysia. Add a little active imagination.

4. Disturb youngest daughter's ahimsa state by constant calls (Have you heard from Jackie? Has she replied your email? Did you SMS her?) Irritate only son's normally irritable state by constant calls. (Have you heard from Jenny? Where did she go? Why?)

5. Worry.

6. Worry some more.

7. Just a little more worry and you're nearly done.

8. Mix all ingredients together in a copper bowl until light and frothy.

9. Here is where you can add the tears, if you want. Throw in memories of Jackie as a chubby toddler with unruly curls and a gap-toothed smile for added effect. Or of Jenny waking up grumpy every morning...Cue sad music from your soap of choice.

10. Work yourself up to a STATE.

11. Stir in panic.

Serve hot.

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