Friday, 20 April 2012

The Plum and the Jellybean

So, yeah, late night out, three glasses of wine, listening to the band, dealing with a feral Frenchman (I ran away, he terrified me so), sort of hungover because I forgot to take my "Party Smart" pills (it hasn't gotten to be a habit yet). And today I rack my brains to try and figure out what to put here.

So I put in my thumb and pulled out a plum and said, what a good girl am I.

In the dark night streets the Plum did walk
the Big Red Jellybean to stalk
the night was cold and the wind was howling
and all the prowlers were a-prowling.

The Jellybean walked further and further
Sweating with fright for the Plum was a murderer
would it the Plum's next victim be
The bean shook all over, trembling like jelly.

Suddenly there was a shuffling sound
The Jellybean hurriedly swung around
when in fright the bean did behold
something that made its jelly go cold

The horrible, abominable, horrendous Plum
Instead of walking, had started to run
With its feet like lightning and its eyes on fire
Clearly, the kill the Jellybean was its desire.

The Jellybean swiftly turned and fled
But it tripped on a stone and fell on its head
The Plum was advancing closer and closer
Was the poor Jellybean a goner?

With the effort of a thousand men
The Jellybean rose, only to fall again
The Plum was now in a hand's reach
With the glint of it's eyes and its purple teeth.

Suddenly there was a sound louder than thunder
the Plum and the Jellybean started in wonder
The Big Brave Banana had come
representing the law, to capture the Plum.

The cowardly Plum turned and ran
but found it was surrounded by the Policefruit clan
the next full moon it was declared
that the Plum was to be electric chaired.

When the Plum died
not a soul in fruitville wept or cried
it was a death, well-deserved
cos the Plum's kind of life is best not preserved.


  1. Lol--I love it! Could not help myself...

    But preserved it was in a labeled Mason jar
    one dissolute Plum drowned in fruity pectin tar
    as if on queue, the plucky Plum squeaked
    and its tiny cobbler heart soon started to beat.

    Turn after turn the lid slowly unwound
    till the shadow of a Plum shone across the ground
    with the deftness of a prune and the savy of a peach
    the pithy little Plum made her way to the beach.

    Floating on the seas in a coconut shell,
    she fled to Plum Island through swell after swell
    till at last she landed, with a thud and a splash
    on the shores of her Isle, she was home at last.

  2. Sigh. Let queue = cue. Pretty please.

  3. did get that the Plum was evil right? And "best not preserved"?

    But I love what what you did with my imagination...the Plum is deader than a preserved fruit...and it was a He...not a She....Jellybean was a she...

  4. Oh, I knew it was evil, but since Thomas Kinkade died the other week I figured someone had to carry the torch of irrational optimism, at least temporarily. Foolishness on my part, believing the Plum could ever not be a Plum. You is what you is, and you be what you be; a bee can't be a spider, nor a spider bee.

  5. Hope springs eternal in the Pollyanna breast - this blog is dedicated to her, btw...and Buddy the Elf...long live irrational optimism!